do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
