Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
