Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
