mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
