Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
