I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
