Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
