Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
