i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
