My pussy is not your playground.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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