I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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