my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
