I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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