He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
