my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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