he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
