he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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