She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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