If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
