The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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