I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
