she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
