I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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