you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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