i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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