I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
