So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
