My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
