Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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