I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
