you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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