Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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