I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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