I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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