i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
