By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
