That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
