If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just found puke in my bra..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How does one acquire holy water?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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