tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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