we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just had sex on a roof
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
