kristin has been a bad kristin
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
