yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
