im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
40s are totally the cure
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
