I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
