Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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