Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
