oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
