I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
