I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
not ubering you a puppy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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