The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
