tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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